Phenomenal Woman- that's me.
I am so used to the culture I was brought up in that placed such an emphasis of adoration on "good christian boys".
I am used to thinking that I come second at best and that I am not as valuable, that my life was not worth as much as theirs. Everything they did was better- partly from my narcissitic parents perspective and partly from the community.
Applauded for their achievements, their drive and focus and how even more so when they seemed to care little for girls. This was an acclaimed attribute indeed- to be so focused on goals and god centered that they did not spend any time of trivial things like romance and being "infatuated" with girls. They were seen as so much smarter especially if they possesed this determination to ignore feelings and girls entirely. They had more important things to do.
I was measured up to that and fell so short. I had feelings and I had crushes. I was "boy" crazy and stupid and I was constantly compared to their "wisdom" and restraint when it came to all those things. Ultimately the lesson was that I was less intelligent and they were superior in all ways. Not only that but they were "good christian boys" and I learned that I was not a good girl.
It has taken years to dismantle this program- and it may take more as I pick away at the pieces that don't serve me and don't fit me- especially because none of it is true. So in honor of the "aha" moments I have concerning my value I am going to write a list of reason I am a good woman- a phenomenal woman.
1. I am kind, patient, intelligent.
2. I have a unique set of personal superpowers.
3. I am loving, giving and dedicated to those I care about.
4. I am a good woman because I have a strong inner moral compass.
5. I am a good woman because I follow and do what I think is right and not what is easy.
6. I am a good woman because even if it is hard or my hands may get dirty there are moments when I will set aside everything else and simply focus on what is most imporant in a given moment.
7. If something needs to be done or someone needs help I will pitch in and just do it- that's where I come from. It's a part of my country girl values. If your fence is broken I will come help you mend it.
8. I don't care who you are- if we meet and connect I will feed you and give you whatever you may need before sending you on your way. My table doesn't have a limit- I am used to hosting strangers for dinner- it's how I grew up. My house was a home during the holidays for men and women of the armed forces who did not have a place to go to. We would open our home and love them like they were our own.
9. I am a good woman becaue I recognize that the simple things often hold the most value and simple gestures can speak volumes of love. Those are the things worth living for.
10. I am a good woman because I know what is important and that people and doing things you love- simple things are what life is for.
11. I am a good woman because there is a point where any sense of vanity will cave to practicallity- I don't care if I am in a ballgown- if your cows got out or there is an emergency then the dress will just have to bite the dust.
12. I am a good woman because I listen to the earth and as a country girl I know what it is to walk barefoot through upturned soil and believe that it is something special.
13. I am a good woman becaue I give my all in relationships- even if its not perfect I will never not try and I will never not care.
14. I am a good woman beause I do take care of those I love no matter what. There is never a mile to far to walk if you need me.
15. I am a good woman beause I don't give up when things get hard. I don't bail and I don't back down.
16. I am a good woman becaue my temper and my passionate drive create a balance that makes me who I am and keeps me going strong.
I am a former country girl and abuse survivor. I enjoy blogging because I find it personally therapeutic. It also allows me to share my experiences with others, and bring to light issues of abuse. I write under a pseudonym for my personal safety as well as to negate any potential legal trouble over sharing my story.