I don't have hope.
I don't believe in hope.
I have faith.
Hope to me feels like I will have to suppress all my feelings and think of the best possible outcome- even if it means ignoring the current situation. Hope is a bandaid and a smile you paste on your face.
Faith knows that everything is not okay and that difficulties are looming ahead. It knows that you may not get through without a few scars- but that ultimately you can and will move through the storm.
Hope is wishful- faith moves mountains.
Faith meets me wherever I am at and it embraces me no matter what I am feeling. It does not require me to be something I am not. Faith lets me be angry and it does not hold a bright future hostage because I lack positivity. Faith exists whether or not I believe all the time- it is always waiting to pick up right where I left off. It never asks me to be anything but myself. Faith does not require me to be happy or chastise me when I am grumpy- faith is the thing that promises that we can do anything no matter how we feel in the moment.
Hope often meets disappointment as its end.
Faith is made of so many broken bits stitched back together from every time it falls apart. It is not glamorous but it is strong and its breath is the wind that carries ship sails both into storms and then home again.
I am a former country girl and abuse survivor. I enjoy blogging because I find it personally therapeutic. It also allows me to share my experiences with others, and bring to light issues of abuse. I write under a pseudonym for my personal safety as well as to negate any potential legal trouble over sharing my story.